Take a Break. And Don’t Feel Guilty
Everyday Ways to Incorporate Rest into Your Life
SO!……I took a teeny, tiny break from the blog. (Actually, a break from writing, period). Aaaaaand it was longer than I expected…*insert nervous smile emoji*….
But honestly, I have no regrets. I rested. I rejuvenated myself. And I prioritized what needed my attention. This past Mother’s Day, as I turned my attention back to my blog (and writing), I was reminded of how my mother has never made me feel guilty about resting when I needed to. Ever. In fact, she’s only encouraged it.
Our secure-the-bag-by-any-means-necessary culture tells us that if we’re not booked and busy, we’re not living life the right way. But too often we’re booked, but life feels empty. Busy as hell, but aint doing shit. We’re making money, but running on fumes.
We don’t have a plan for how often we will insert rest into our lives. We don’t prioritize it. We don’t value it. So, as a result, our homegirl “rest” just up and snatches her time from us without our permission. And that’s what happened to me.
I initially started this blog, trying to make sure I posted to social media every single day. Tried to make sure I wrote a blog post every few weeks. But as 2021 started, that began to feel less practical for me. I was starting a new job. (More about that in a later blog post). My family was experiencing a lot of death–some of which I shared on the blog’s IG page. And the daily schedule of posting on social media wasn’t really realistic for all of the other demands of my life.
So I just stopped. A hard stop. Like, an I-didn’t-even-check-notifications stop. My mind and spirit were like, girl….stop. Take a break.
That experience of coming to a screeching halt with something I loved so much (writing) made me reflect on just how much we stay in go-mode–only resting when we’re worn out. I can only speak for myself, but I have a tendency to overdo it on both ends. Sometimes I’m resting too much, and sometimes I’m working too much.
But I honestly think that the reason for the extremes is that I haven’t come up with a consistent, balanced exchange between rest and work. So, that’s what this blog post is an attempt at. I’ve begun experimenting with a few methods for inserting breaks into my day, week, and month, and I emerged from hibernation to share them with you.
Various Ways I'm Starting to Incorporate Rest
#1 ~ By Scheduling it
Seems simple, but it can be really difficult. One really good tip a friend recently shared was to schedule your calendars by first including your me-time and your must-do chores (laundry, cooking, exercise, etc.) before you include anything else!
With my new job, I’ll admit that sometimes this has been difficult. When starting a new job, you have this intense desire to be on it, on it! But I’m finding little ways to incorporate that planning into each week, and that’s actually helped everything run much more smoothly, so when I rest, I’m actually able to rest peacefully without worrying about deadlines.
Within my work day, I’ve been making sure that I break for at least 15 minutes, about every hour. (There’s a little science that backs this up too). I also plan my meals so I’m not scrambling to figure out what’s for lunch (and wasting unnecessary money). Decide how incorporating rest into your work day works for you, then be consistent about it. Set alarms and timers if you need to.
Beyond that, schedule your big rest too. Your trips, your boo-time, your pamper-me time. Now that the streets are opening back up, the next relaxation trip for me will be New Orleans!
#2 ~ By Automating Shit
Sometimes I’m cheap (I prefer to think of it as frugal), so I don’t like spending my money on things that I can do myself. But that I-can-do-it-on-my-own-for-less mentality wore me out as a nonprofit founder, and I’m realizing that I’m starting off in that same direction as a blogger.
So, my new goal is to begin getting more comfortable spending money to gain back time in my day for rest and ease. This means using services that do things for me in ways that allow me to organize my time, so that I can build in rest. The service I utilize the most to save myself time is grocery delivery. Shopping literally seems to take 3 hours out of my weekends. Instacart saves me that time. (I pay a yearly membership).
Do a time audit of your life, is there a way that an automated service can help you get back that time? Something as simple as those social media time reminders/limits on IG and Facebook can be helpful to help you reclaim your time from the never ending scroll-athon. Scheduling emails and social media posts for delayed delivery through Gmail, Outlook, Hootsuite, and other apps are additional ways to reclaim your time. At the end of the day, time saved means time available to build in rest.
#3 ~ By Moving That Ass
Whatever that means for you, do that. Before the pandemic I was mildly active. I used to take African dance classes about once a week. I roller skated ever so often, and I was getting pretty consistent with yoga. After the pandemic, almost ALL of that stopped.
What’s been helping, however, is getting back into these activities that I enjoyed so much now that outside is opening back up. I’ll admit that I’m still struggling with being consistent, but I’ve been trying to make myself go to African dance again (masked up) as well as skate at least once a week (also masked up).
Virtual yoga has also been my go-to, and I’ve also found Youtube yogis like Yoga with Adriene that I can turn on on-demand when virtual yoga is not available. And if I’m too tired to do any of the above, I try to walk around my neighborhood.
Now, all of this is only a modest amount of activity, but I can still see its effects on my stress and my mood. (Plus, I was starting to feel too stiff in my back and hips from all that pandemic sitting. This moving has been helping me to physically feel better too.)
#4 ~ By Engaging in Pleasure
Look at ya’ll! Mind all in the gutter!…. (jk, sometimes that IS where the pleasure resides.) But a PG-rated form of pleasure I enjoy is getting a massage on a regular basis. Look, I know we’re still in a pandemic, and this one ain’t for everyone. But for me, massages are LIFE!
I could spend all day in a spa, so I’ve allowed myself to go back and utilize my spa membership. Masked up of course. With all the credits I’d built up over the pandemic, I’ve begun to rely massages again to help me relax and feel pampered after a hard week’s work. I try to have one on a monthly basis at a minimum. List out your forms of pleasure, and then be intentional about incorporating them into you schedule.
#5 ~ By Making Time for Loved Ones
This is my favorite form of rest. I feel so rejuvenated when I spend time with my loved ones. Whether this be in person, on the phone, or via a video call, I’m here for all the love and life that comes from these connections. I’ve spent a LOT more time recently connecting, and I think it helps restore my energy levels.
And this means loved ones. Those friends, family, romantic partners who fill us up. Not empty brunch dates for the sole purpose of having a picture for IG. I’m talking about real meaningful connection moments.
#6 ~ By Going to Bed at 10:30
I try not to play about my bedtime, but sometimes life happens. But when I’m consistent with going to bed at 10:30pm, I wake up refreshed and with more brain energy to tackle my day with clarity and precision. (This was something I picked up from wellness expert Jenn Pike.)
This by far is the type of rest that I see the most return on. I’ve discussed sleep before in a previous blog post because it’s vitally important to our health. All other forms of rest pale in comparison to getting the right amount of sleep at night. (And Arianna Huffington wrote a whole book on it.) So, if you try only one of these ways to incorporate rest, I would definitely try this one.
Moving Forward: What Rest Looks Like For Me
I love this blog, but I realize that moving forward, I’m going to take breaks as freely as I need them. So ya’ll gon’ have to catch this #blackgirlmagic when it shoots through the sky! And I can’t promise when that will be.
For me, this blog is a labor of love. So I want my posts to be as organic as possible. I’m not trying to follow a social media formula to increase sales or accumulate a large social media following. I just enjoy writing, sharing my mother’s love, and uplifting Black women.
So, until further notice, I’m going to post as the mood hits me. No schedule. No set times. Just vibes. When I feel it, I’ll write it. When I’m feeling that I need a break, I’ll break. For now. But, I will try my best to continuously show up, even if it’s after a long break. I want this blog to be a forever space that exists as I exist.
So, like me, sometimes you’ll see a lot going on, and other times, you’ll see rest taking place. But I always want this space to exist. I want it to be one of the many spaces Black women can go to to connect with a journey that speaks to their own. And I believe rest will help ensure that that happens.
To help you on your journey, here’s a little downloadable worksheet to help you incorporate more rest into you routine.
