5 Virtual Date Ideas #ForTheCulture!
And 5 Must-Haves for Your Next Quarantine Date!
Mandatory Quarantine has forced many of us to get creative in our love lives. Gone — at least temporarily — are the days when we could rely on our favorite local restaurant or bar to be the backdrop to our love lives. These days, we’re all doing time for a crime we didn’t commit.
But as black people, we always know how to make a way out of no way! (Look at the creative genius of Club Quarantine & #Verzuz). So the show must go on! To help you with your quarantine dating woes, I’ve pulled together some of my favorite virtual date ideas — many that actually worked well for my own dates!
Each date has a dash of culture mixed in because if you’re like me (blackity, black, black black), you can always appreciate shit curated with us in mind. But before rushing into the dates, here are five tips and virtual dating must-haves I live by.
First Things First: The Virtual Date Commandments
1. Thou Shall Use Thy Laptop
First dates are your first impression, and we don’t have time for the ‘house of mirrors’ games that cellphone cameras play. Do yourself a favor — use your laptop. It not only allows you a fuller, more appealing frame for all of your loveliness to be seen, but it’s stationary. That means you don’t have to do bicep curls to maintain the arm stamina needed for holding the phone in your ‘good angles’ during the date. And it won’t fall down when you try to prop it up against something. Laptops allow you to chat freely without all the extra stuff.
2. Thou Shall Set a Damn Time
Put some respect on this virtual date! Make it feel special, and it will return the favor. Setting a time for your date brings a level of intention to what you’re doing. It mutually conveys that you both think getting to know each other is important. It also tricks your mind into making you feel like you’re engaging in something more akin to pre-Corona dating. So go with it, and [mentally] escape Corona jail, just for a night.
3. Thou Shall Have a Plan
You can wing it — sure. Your conversation may be fire, and the virtual date can be a success without any type of planned activity or theme. But a more surefire way to break up the monotony of all the conversations your date has been having, day after day in Corona jail, is to plan an activity or theme.
Even if you’re the best conversationalist or the vibe between the two of you is strong, adding the right game or activity can only enhance that. It can help ensure that your date is memorable and fun. And honestly, it just gives you a moment to see a side of your date that you may not see in plain ole’ conversation.
4. Thou Shall Know What's In Thy Frame
This one almost goes without saying, but those trending Zoom mishaps let me know that this, in fact, might just need to be said. Let’s collectively get it together — at least for date night.
Be your own date night set director, and think about what’s in your frame. Is the light hitting you like the Goddess you are? Or are you cloaked in darkness looking like an extra in The Blair Witch Project? Is your personal information visible? Is your date getting a peek at something they don’t need to see? Is your bottom half in the frame?
Maybe you like it that way. Your call, but whatever you do, just be intentional about your frame. Your home is the most intimate space you have, and sometimes we don’t notice how much the things in our home reveal about us in ways we are not ready to be revealed.
5. Thou Shall Have Wine on Deck
Lastly, there’s your adult beverage. Now, this isn’t a requirement per se. I actually haven’t been drinking because of a detox, but I desperately want to! Wine just makes everything better! So if you decide to take a sip, don’t feel guilty. We’re in a pandemic!
And Now for the Good Stuff: These Dates!
You’ve got your basics out of the way, so you just need ideas. These have been some of my favorites!
1. FOR THE MUSIC LOVERS ~ Have Your Own #Verzuz Playlist Battle!
Who has the better taste in music? Or maybe you both have great taste, and you put each other on to some new shit because of your battle. Either way, getting to know someone’s music collection is an intimate experience. Go round for round with 20 songs. Throughout, ask each other questions about your song choices. (i.e., Why do you love this artist/song?)
You can tell a lot about a person from their music collection. I once had to let go of an ex who didn’t like the Queen Mutha Jill Scott. (In college days, I ain’t play about Jilly from Philly!) So don’t get yourself caught up with someone who is commiting musical sins! Get a peek at that playlist early!
2. FOR THE FUN AT HEART ~ Lighten Things Up & Play a Game!
If you’re black, it’s a requirement that you know how to have a good time. We can turn anything into a memorable moment, and 21 Questions is no different. There are so many variations of this game, and there are endless questions you can ask! Here’s a list of 21 curated questions I put together and a list of This or That questions I’ve used in the past!
You can also create your own. The end goal is to test each other’s first impressions of one another while also learning more about each other. No matter the game, the format is the same. You each write down your own answer to the question as proof (cards up, I don’t know you yet!). Then you guess what you think the other person answered about themselves along with your reasoning for why you think that about them. Whoever is right gets a point! Then you each explain more about the actual answer! I promise you there will be laughter, conversation, and a good time!
3. FOR THE CULTURALLY CONSCIOUS ~ Read & Discuss African Proverbs
This one is for all of my fellow musers who can fall head first into a conversation contemplating the meaning of life! This is a beautiful way to take a baecation to the Motherland. Use a book of African proverbs, or go through this list of 50 African proverbs (more than I needed on my date), and discuss your thoughts on their meanings. Some are more straightforward than others. But if intelligence attracts you, seeing how your date’s analytical mind works could be a huge turn on! I’d recommend this one once you’re already a few dates in, as it’s less lighthearted than other date ideas.
4. FOR THE INTROSPECTIVE ~ Go Through Your Birth Charts Together
Now, this may sound like a date that Freddie and Shazza from A Different World conjured up, but I promise you this is actually a great idea. Whether you are the biggest skeptic or a true astrology believer is irrelevant for this. The gem in this activity is that you are getting to know each other more as you each discuss whether you feel your birth charts are accurate in their descriptions of you.
Use a site like Cafe Astrology — enter each other’s birth date, time, and location, and it’ll pop out a birth chart. Section by section, you both take turns reading out loud the other’s birth chart, then discussing the accuracy of it.
While most of us only know our Sun sign (which governs our general personality), your birth chart breaks down your signs for all the planets, such as Mercury (governs how we communicate), Venus (governs how we love), and so many more! It’s a great way to explore parts of each other that don’t necessarily come up in normal conversation.
This site contains a quick reference guide for what trait each planet governs so you can know how to interpret the birth chart you generate from Cafe Astrology. But beware, this can get deep, so save this one for a subsequent date. It’s not really a first-date kind of thing.
5. FOR THE CHEFS ~ Make Cupcakes or Cookies Together With a Black Chef
If you are good in the kitchen or just someone who hates sitting still, this could be a great way to keep that active part of your mind occupied as you and your date get to know each other. Desserts (except cakes — Lawd Jesus!) are the easiest things to make from scratch. They can be fun, especially if you like decorating and making things look pretty, and they taste amazing when you’re done! Decide on a recipe. Divas Can Cook has amazing recipes like these gooey chocolate chip cookies and these super simple Funfetti cupcakes. You and your date can even compete to see whose sweet treat comes out the prettiest. Let the Gram vote!
AND BONUS DATES!
While these three bonus dates are not necessarily #fortheculture, they are quality date ideas. I’ve not tried all these, so try at your own risk!
- For the adventurous, there’s a virtual escape room. The Escape Game has some at-home options ranging from free-ninety-nine to a $17 bundle!
- For the deep conversationalists, there’s the The Skin Deep game, which has questions for you to ask at every level of dating. Someone has to buy it, but at $24.99, it’s very reasonable. I personally enjoyed this very much!
- And lastly, for the daring, there’s The New York Times’ 36 Questions to Fall in Love activity. I’ve never done this one, but I’ve always wanted to try. Maybe I’ll check it out on my next date!
Now All You Need Is a Boo!
I hear that quarantine engagement on apps, in DMs, and the like has been strong. If you get (or have) a boo and try one of these virtual dates, let me know! And if you’re already a virtual date pro, drop a line about some of your favorite virtual date ideas! I’d love to hear from you! Happy dating loves!
